friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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