all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
