get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
