Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
