one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
