I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is the high leading the old right now
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
