Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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