i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
