That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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