I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
