He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
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