I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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