so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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