Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
