my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
