cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
