Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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