New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
