So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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