lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
