Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
