We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
