I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
