apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
