he wants to bone in the snuggie
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
