The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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