I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
