ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
