Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
