Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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