Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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