i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
