it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
