I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
