Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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