Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
