What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
