I smell stomach acid.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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