I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
