Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
