I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
