I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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