I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
