he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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