I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
