Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
