apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
