Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
