So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
