The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
