Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
