I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
