You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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